I can barely hold in my excitement and sadness at the news that Baba has proposed. What a beautiful and sorrowful way to end this convoluted and complex year and a half. I am just ecstatic that one of us will be walking down the ailse but also deeply ashamed that I will be the friend and sister unable to attend because she neither has the finances nor the immigration papers that will allow her freely leave her country of residence. Is this where I apologise? My whole body and mind and spirit and soul is in apology for you, my dear and only friend.
Ayoola, you’ve told me before but I believe it came more like a dream or an epiphany to me the other night: I have been giving of myself and receiving snowflakes and sand dunes in return. How did I get here? It seemed the more I gave of myself, the less I recognized the reflection in the mirror. How could this be? I wrestled with the inner demons to contort my face into pleasing and desirable forms–faraway smiles mingled with inner tears.
I’m walking backwards these days–retracing my steps to the Eden of the departure of joy and well being. It looks like a long journey, one that may never actually reach an end-point. You might wonder if this does not worry me or cause me some discomfort. Funny enough, dear friend, I have not felt lighter in years. There is so much depth in the past, and I often have to wake from it’s sweet slumber to realize that I must still be present in the present. I’m coming and going somewhere new and my mind is finally understanding peace that can come without price.
Greetings to those of the world and the spirit.
Faithfully yours always,